Rivers and Roots
Being an emigrant with no country of origin, and the paintings that came out of it
I am an emigrant. I left my country of origin nearly five years ago, following a push I felt very early in my teenage years. I left Italy to move to Ireland in 2018.
It’s not unusual for my people to look for a better life somewhere else. Also, I have never really identified myself with my nation. I have no country of origin in my range of feelings, and I dislike my country of origin for many reasons. I thought for many years that I was a happy, stateless soul. Until yesterday. Yesterday I had this big realisation, talking to a friend, about how rootless I feel in this state of non-belonging. Many times I have been asked if I feel Italian, and I have always answered no without having an alternative option. If I were asked today, I think I feel Mediterranean. It makes so much sense to my whole body. Italy is basically a bridge in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, and it’s likely that my ancestors are not from the place I was born (in fact, even without going too far in the family tree, I am the first one in my branch to have been born in the city of Florence).
I don’t feel Italian, and I am not Irish.
After reading Marloes De Vries latest publication here on Substack, I thought it would have been a very interesting exercise to paint intuitively. I wanted to give it a go, and the moment was perfect. Six small (A4 size) paintings on paper were born in a matter of three hours. They had no meaning for me while I was making them.
Then my partner came home, and I put everything away, nearly ashamed of such a playful activity at my age.
This morning, as I looked at them freshly, it was all very clear.
I have been unconsciously painting my Mediterranean roots.
I am not trying to find a meaning to this paintings, made aimlessly, it’s just that this morning they speak for themselves and I cannot stop seeing precise scenes of places I know in them.
It’s very clear that, in the storm of belonging thoughts and feelings, this is the answer. Here are my roots. In the Mediterranean Sea.
Also, the fact that intuitively I drew nothing but trees is pretty evident to what I was looking for in my subconscious while painting.
I find myself with an amazing feeling of being on the right track with myself after yesterday’s painting session. And I am aware I will always be a soul on the search (maybe nomads in my genes?), but as long as I stand still on this feeling, as long as I acknowledge it, as long as I have paints and paper, I am fine.
Marty
Rivers and Roots
Beautifully written Marty. I often think of life as a nomadic journey. Personally, I think we only really belong to ourselves. Being an artist is a difficult situation, because our self worth depends on others validation and thats a very tricky one. Up and down like the sea, darkness and light of the sun, a world that is constantly changing and adapting to Nature. I love tge simplicity of your art. My friends house must look beautiful on an evening like this, she is just out of hospital , I will be visiting her next week. So I will be in touch. Ye missed farmers market, it was truly great. Hope to see you very shortly. Perhaps a coffee at Cu, in the sunshine. Like 2 true Italians!!!🙂🙃
Identity and belonging are such unique and significant human needs . Your writing explores your journey as an artist with a sense of finding your place in the world . I love that you spontaneously painted these wonderful illustrations - and the stream of consciousness way you dived into them ! They are beautiful .. and even lovelier knowing that they providing a link to your own special heritage- as you define it . Thanks for sharing